4/20/2023 0 Comments Call of duty black ops iii cover![]() But there’s a such thing as trying too hard, Treyarch. I even tried to play Manhunter, Hatred, and Postal. At the same time! I enjoy a good horror movie as much as the next guy. You’re treated to tortured prisoners, a first-person view of getting dismembered by a robot, noses cut off, eyes gouged out, severed fingers, ears sliced off, a waiter getting stabbed for bad service, explosive slave collars popping heads like overfilled water balloons, a chick’s hand cut off while she’s still alive so you can use the hand on a biometric lock, bodies strung up Fallujah-style in a few separate uprisings, people getting gas poured over them and burned alive, someone impaled on rebar, someone else pinned to a wall with steel spikes, a couple of people thrown screaming off high buildings, a close-up of a face frying as it’s pushed into burning metal, and one dude who gets all four limbs ripped off. “Do you want to see the controversial stuff that Kotaku will write an editorial about?” the screen asks. Black Ops III really wants to earn that graphic content warning in the front of a Call of Duty game. It’s certainly got the gore of a Resident Evil. Is this a Call of Duty game or a Resident Evil? It’s all so awkward, incoherent, and serious, but mostly incoherent. You’ll get to see the ground blow up in a cutscene. I don’t think I’ve ever attacked the actual ground, at least not intentionally. That expanse you’re walking around on? Plant the charges to blow it up. In another mission, you have to blow up the ground. Out here you have to play Sega’s Afterburner several times. Big surprise, right? But what if I told you this was an oil platform in the desert? I have no idea why it’s in the desert. Black Ops III is either a progressive representation of gay and transexual characters, or Treyarch didn’t think the gender through to its logical conclusion. And I have no idea how to square a female character with the final reveal. I’m putting my money on “may”, but it’s not clear. It doesn’t seem like it was very well thought out. That wasn’t old as soon as Madonna did it on Letterman back in 1994. If you opt to play a chick, the splash screen is your chick smoking a cigar. What kind of war hard soldier yells self-affirmations at the enemy? Which makes the eventual affirmation yelling all the more weird. You also know this from dialogue like “stay focused”, “keep it tight”, “we’re going in”, and “we’ve got a job to do”. ![]() On a couple of occasions, characters just punch each other to show they’re tough. ![]() Where is Steve Carell to yell “I don’t know what we’re yelling about” when you need him? An interrogation scene happens and the sidekick tries to yell like Batman interrogating the Joker. Someone told the motion capture actor that acting is yelling. Your sidekick spends most of the game just yelling. How could I not? Every five minutes a VTOL comes crashing into the level. They must have forgotten that one.Ī big bowl of alphabet soup comes with Black Ops III. I don’t think you ever drive a snowmobile, though. Work the gun in the turret while the jeep drives around. The usual canned spectacles, but now taken from Tupperware instead of a can. The regular reality stuff that sort of makes sense is entirely derivative of the usual Call of Duty stuff, which was already derivative itself. You know rogue AIs? I think there’s one in here. There’s also something about a frozen forest. She starts yelling it the same way a character would yell stuff like “reloading!”, “on your right!”, or “grenade!” It’s like Stuart Smalley dropped into the first part of Saving Private Ryan. Eventually, your character yells a self-affirmation mantra at the bad guys she’s shooting. It’s a short distance from trippy cyber-dream alternate realities to utter incoherence and Black Ops III covers that distance with ease. I don’t want to spoil anything, but it’s hard to know what’s a spoiler when you don’t understand anything in the first place. Which may or may not happen in this game. That’s sort of like spanning different time periods. But then someone at Activision’s Treyarch studio saw Inception and Source Code, so this Black Ops instead lapses into trippy cyber-dream alternate reality sequences in which you do the exact things you were doing in the regular reality sequences. The previous Black Ops games spanned different time periods. That’s about the only line of dialogue that makes sense in the whole game.Īfter the jump, here’s what the hell is going on “I don’t know what the hell is going on,” someone says in Call of Duty: Black Ops III.
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